You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize