the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
