Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
