KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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