And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
