the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
