I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
