Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
