is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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