I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
