i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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