dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
