My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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