I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
