ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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