I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
