I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
