did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
