Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
