i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
