IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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