...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
