her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
