Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
