my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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