Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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