when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
