and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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