You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
