why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
