she was so not down for the gang bang
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I want a musical about memes.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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