I wannas sexs uuuuu
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
