Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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