I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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