Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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