And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
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