first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
