He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
