So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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