im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
