im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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