Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
