Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize