i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
