I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Randomize
