oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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