Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
