You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
