Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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