plz talk dirty to me
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
