Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
