You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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