The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
