I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
