So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
