we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
