my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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