Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
