yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
