My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
