Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
