I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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