Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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