She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Those nachos came to me in a dream
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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